Westword August 9, 2012 : Page 9

westword.com There are plenty of nuts for everyone at Squirrel Creek Lodge, where the animals swing from trees. | CONTENTS OFF LIMIT S | LETTERS The Wildlife ast spring, the Scarlet Ranch swing-ers club closed up shop at 424 Broad-way in Denver and moved to meatier digs: the former Northwoods Inn steakhouse in Littleton, an 18,000-square-foot log cabin-esque retreat on several acres of “beautifully manicured landscape.” A year later, owner Kendall Seifert reports that the massive facil-ity has branched out beyond what the Scarlet Ranch website describes as “fun and erotic evenings” — though there are still plenty of those, including an upcoming theme party on August 18 called “Austin Powers’s ’70s Sex and Disco Party.” (From the website: “Think Boogie Nights if you need some dress ideas!”) Seifert started a new corporation to run the property and rechristened it the Squirrel Creek Lodge . He describes it as a “whole new beast”: There’s now an on-site restaurant headed by a former Northwoods Inn chef that serves oysters on the half shell and a dish called “The Ranch Calamari Trio,” and the lodge has played host to other kinds of events as well, including at least seven weddings. Seifert also runs a small mammal rescue operation on the property. It’s something he says he’s been doing for twenty years; when he acquired the property, he moved his rescue operation from his house to the Squirrel Creek Lodge. In addition to squirrels, Seifert has taken in a fawn, five ducks and three show bunnies. As for the Scarlet Ranch, Seifert described it as “just a group that has events here.” Indeed. The websites for the businesses share many of the same swanky photos of the facility (minus the squirrels on the Scarlet site and minus the naked people in the Squirrel Creek site), but the descriptions of the wildlife, as you can imagine, are quite different. Sugar rush: You won’t find too many alter-native lifestyles at Masterpiece Cakeshop , meanwhile. An online petition condemning the Lakewood bakery for its policy of not working with gay weddings garnered well over 4,000 signatures. And last weekend, for the second Saturday in a row, protesters gath-ered outside the store in an effort to convince owner Jack Phillips to change his mind. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon. “If I didn’t have strong convictions about the issue in the first place, it wouldn’t have come up,” Phillips tells Westword . “None of the protests or anything will change that.” | ¡ASK A MEXICAN! L It was just three weeks ago that Phillips told Charlie Craig and Dave Mullins , a local couple, that he wouldn’t bake a cake for their wedding reception because he didn’t believe in gay marriage. Personally hurt but politically motivated, Mullins posted a brief version of their story on Facebook that same day, and the first article appeared on westword.com the next day. But even as protesters argued civil liberties outside of Phillips’s shop last Saturday, fans of his stance made a point of ordering their confections inside. Right now, Masterpiece has four times the business it usu-ally enjoys this time of year. Positive feedback has come to outweigh the negative “100 to 1,” says Phillips. “My stance comes from my belief in the teachings of the Bible; it’s not civil rights or constitutional liberties we’re dealing with,” Phillips insists. “When I do a first-birthday cake, I imagine the baby in the high chair and the family gathering around and smil-ing, and I feel like I’m a part of that because I contributed to it. But with gay weddings, I refuse to be a part of that.” Mullins says he and Craig have had no contact with Phillips since they heard his initial refusal, walked out of his store and flipped the place the bird. As the date of their September ceremony in Provinc-etown, Massachusetts, grows closer, they plan to divide their time between activism and wedding plans. Their continued goal is to raise community awareness and con-vince Phillips to change the store’s policy — not to shut down the bakery altogether. “It’s incredible to have people we barely know stand up for us and hug us and be proud of us,” Mullins says of this most re-cent protest. “It’s one thing to read people’s messages online and see what they’re writ-ing on the Internet, but it’s another thing to see them stand up not for just you, but for gay rights in general. We hope we can change the way Masterpiece treats people like us.” Got scoop? Contact editorial@westword.com. | OFF LIMITS | NIGHT+DAY | MOVIES | ¡Ask A Mexican! By Gustavo Arellano Dear Mexican: So often when we see Mexican bands perform in the U.S. and Mexico, the crowd at some point starts chanting “ Cu-le-ro! ” (“Asshole!”) Why does the crowd yell “ Cu-le-ro! ” at a band that they seemingly adore and paid a lot of money to see perform? Even fellow Latinos are really confused by this one! Gu Need Más Earplugs THEATER | ART | CAFE | BACKBEAT Dear Pocho: “People yelling ‘ Cu-le-ro!’ doesn’t happen at every concert,” says Javier Castellanos, legendary Latin-music promoter. “It’s more of the chilango [nickname for people from Mexico City] crowd; they’re always a little bit more rambunctious. And it’s not just for any kind of music — it’s usually the heavier, more metal stuff. I see the same rudeness at American concerts for that type of music, too.” Castellanos is being too modest. Fact is, culero is the Bronx cheer of Mexican society. We use it to taunt anybody we think is acting haughty — politicians, sports teams, Miss America contestants and, especially, lollygagging bands who can’t return for an encore fast enough. “ Cu-le-ro ” (and its cousin, “ Chinga tu madre” — go fuck your mother — whistle) is a reminder that nothing is safe from criticism in Mexico — except the Virgin of Guadalupe and the right to enter the United States illegally, of course. Dear Mexican: I’ve been on sex-offender registry websites a couple of times, and it seems there are a lot of names ending with -ez. Is there an elevated rate of sexual deviance among Mexicans? If so, why? El Güero Guapísimo pendejos screech about how Mexicans will rape you while stealing your job and playing banda music really loud. You’ll probably hear them invoke the work of Dr. Deborah Schurman-Kauflin. Her 2006 paper “The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants in the United States” came to some startling conclusions, not least of which is that there are 240,000 illegal-immigrant sex offenders in this country, and that 93 of these cretins enter this country daily. Know Nothing politicians and even the House Homeland Security Committee’s Subcommittee on Investigations have cited Schurman-Kauflin’s paper in arguing against amnesty. Schurman-Kauflin based her findings on a 2005 Government Accountability Office survey that showed 2 percent of illegals in federal, local or state prisons had committed a sex crime. She then applied that to the illegal immigrant population at large — voilà! Instant endemic perversity! But GAO data for 2003 (the most recent available) showed about 308,000 criminal aliens (legal and illegal immigrants) were in American prisons; they constitute about 3 percent of the nation’s 12 million illegal immigrants. If only 2 percent of incarcer-ated illegals committed a sex crime, then it’s intellectually misleading to arrive at the 240,000 figure. For the Mexican, a more telling number in determining sexual deviance among an ethnic group is the percentage of criminals ar-rested for such crimes. In 2003, gabachos incarcerated for sex crimes represented about 18 percent of all gabacho inmates in state prisons; perverted Hispanics, conversely, made up just 11 percent. By this comparison, gabachos are more likely as a group to sexually assault you than Mexicans — but you won’t hear the right repeat that factoid. Ask the Mexican at editorial@westword.com. Find him at Facebook.com and on Twitter. | WESTWORD A UGUST 9-15, 2012 Dear Super-Handsome, Light-Skinned Gabacho: Methinks you doth look for brownies too much. But I don’t blame you. Turn on the television and radio, and you’re likely to hear anti-immigrant 9

Off Limits

The Wildlife<br /> <br /> Last spring, the Scarlet Ranch swingers club closed up shop at 424 Broadway in Denver and moved to meatier digs: the former Northwoods Inn steakhouse in Littleton, an 18,000-square-foot log cabinesque retreat on several acres of “beautifully manicured landscape.” A year later, owner Kendall Seifert reports that the massive facility has branched out beyond what the Scarlet Ranch website describes as “fun and erotic evenings” — though there are still plenty of those, including an upcoming theme party on August 18 called “Austin Powers’s ’70s Sex and Disco Party.” (From the website: “Think Boogie Nights if you need some dress ideas!”) <br /> <br /> Seifert started a new corporation to run the property and rechristened it the Squirrel Creek Lodge. He describes it as a “whole new beast”: There’s now an on-site restaurant headed by a former Northwoods Inn chef that serves oysters on the half shell and a dish called “The Ranch Calamari Trio,” and the lodge has played host to other kinds of events as well, including at least seven weddings. Seifert also runs a small mammal rescue operation on the property. It’s something he says he’s been doing for twenty years; when he acquired the property, he moved his rescue operation from his house to the Squirrel Creek Lodge. In addition to squirrels, Seifert has taken in a fawn, five ducks and three show bunnies. <br /> <br /> As for the Scarlet Ranch, Seifert described it as “just a group that has events here.” Indeed. The websites for the businesses share many of the same swanky photos of the facility (minus the squirrels on the Scarlet site and minus the naked people in the Squirrel Creek site), but the descriptions of the wildlife, as you can imagine, are quite different. <br /> <br /> Sugar rush: You won’t find too many alternative lifestyles at Masterpiece Cakeshop, meanwhile. An online petition condemning the Lakewood bakery for its policy of not working with gay weddings garnered well over 4,000 signatures. And last weekend, for the second Saturday in a row, protesters gathered outside the store in an effort to convince owner Jack Phillips to change his mind. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon. “If I didn’t have strong convictions about the issue in the first place, it wouldn’t have come up,” Phillips tells Westword. “None of the protests or anything will change that.” <br /> <br /> It was just three weeks ago that Phillips told Charlie Craig and Dave Mullins, a local couple, that he wouldn’t bake a cake for their wedding reception because he didn’t believe in gay marriage. Personally hurt but politically motivated, Mullins posted a brief version of their story on Facebook that same day, and the first article appeared on westword.com the next day. But even as protesters argued civil liberties outside of Phillips’s shop last Saturday, fans of his stance made a point of ordering their confections inside. Right now, Masterpiece has four times the business it usually enjoys this time of year. Positive feedback has come to outweigh the negative “100 to 1,” says Phillips. <br /> <br /> “My stance comes from my belief in the teachings of the Bible; it’s not civil rights or constitutional liberties we’re dealing with,” Phillips insists. “When I do a first-birthday cake, I imagine the baby in the high chair and the family gathering around and smiling, and I feel like I’m a part of that because I contributed to it. But with gay weddings, I refuse to be a part of that.” <br /> <br /> Mullins says he and Craig have had no contact with Phillips since they heard his initial refusal, walked out of his store and flipped the place the bird. As the date of their September ceremony in Provincetown, Massachusetts, grows closer, they plan to divide their time between activism and wedding plans. Their continued goal is to raise community awareness and convince Phillips to change the store’s policy — not to shut down the bakery altogether. <br /> <br /> “It’s incredible to have people we barely know stand up for us and hug us and be proud of us,” Mullins says of this most recent protest. “It’s one thing to read people’s messages online and see what they’re writing on the Internet, but it’s another thing to see them stand up not for just you, but for gay rights in general. We hope we can change the way Masterpiece treats people like us.”<br /> <br /> Got scoop? Contact editorial@westword.com.

Ask A Mexican

Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: So often when we see Mexican bands perform in the U. S. and Mexico, the crowd at some point starts chanting “Cu-le-ro!” (“Asshole!”) Why does the crowd yell “Cu-le-ro!” at a band that they seemingly adore and paid a lot of money to see perform? Even fellow Latinos are really confused by this one! <br /> <br /> Gu Need Más Earplugs <br /> <br /> Dear Pocho: “People yelling ‘Cu-le-ro!’ doesn’t happen at every concert,” says Javier Castellanos, legendary Latinmusic promoter. “It’s more of the chilango [nickname for people from Mexico City] crowd; they’re always a little bit more rambunctious. And it’s not just for any kind of music — it’s usually the heavier, more metal stuff. I see the same rudeness at American concerts for that type of music, too.” Castellanos is being too modest. Fact is, culero is the Bronx cheer of Mexican society. We use it to taunt anybody we think is acting haughty — politicians, sports teams, Miss America contestants and, especially, lollygagging bands who can’t return for an encore fast enough. “Cu-le-ro” (and its cousin, “Chinga tu madre” — go fuck your mother — whistle) is a reminder that nothing is safe from criticism in Mexico — except the Virgin of Guadalupe and the right to enter the United States illegally, of course. <br /> <br /> Dear Mexican: I’ve been on sex-offender registry websites a couple of times, and it seems there are a lot of names ending with -ez. Is there an elevated rate of sexual deviance among Mexicans? If so, why? <br /> <br /> El Güero Guapísimo <br /> <br /> Dear Super-Handsome, Light-Skinned Gabacho: Methinks you doth look for brownies too much. But I don’t blame you. Turn on the television and radio, and you’re likely to hear anti-immigrant pendejos screech about how Mexicans will rape you while stealing your job and playing banda music really loud. You’ll probably hear them invoke the work of Dr. Deborah Schurman-Kauflin. Her 2006 paper “The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants in the United States” came to some startling conclusions, not least of which is that there are 240,000 illegal-immigrant sex offenders in this country, and that 93 of these cretins enter this country daily. Know Nothing politicians and even the House Homeland Security Committee’s Subcommittee on Investigations have cited Schurman-Kauflin’s paper in arguing against amnesty. <br /> <br /> Schurman-Kauflin based her findings on a 2005 Government Accountability Office survey that showed 2 percent of illegals in federal, local or state prisons had committed a sex crime. She then applied that to the illegal immigrant population at large — voilà! Instant endemic perversity! But GAO data for 2003 (the most recent available) showed about 308,000 criminal aliens (legal and illegal immigrants) were in American prisons; they constitute about 3 percent of the nation’s 12 million illegal immigrants. If only 2 percent of incarcerated illegals committed a sex crime, then it’s intellectually misleading to arrive at the 240,000 figure. <br /> <br /> For the Mexican, a more telling number in determining sexual deviance among an ethnic group is the percentage of criminals arrested for such crimes. In 2003, gabachos incarcerated for sex crimes represented about 18 percent of all gabacho inmates in state prisons; perverted Hispanics, conversely, made up just 11 percent. By this comparison, gabachos are more likely as a group to sexually assault you than Mexicans — but you won’t hear the right repeat that factoid.<br /> <br /> Ask the Mexican at editorial@westword.com. Find him at Facebook.com and on Twitter.

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